Dreaming

The best part about being a kid is the innocence that your brain only knows, for
example believing in Santa brought so much anticipation and joy on Christmas
that you lose as an adult. For the past few months of my life, I've yearned for
that innocence to come back. When I didn't see black or white, and didn't have
to experience being a "Black woman" in a racist white man's world, when I had no
idea what violence was, and when people cared honestly cared.
You
dream of so much as a child, what you want to be, who you want to marry, where
you want to live, and how much money you will make. However, when you wake up
you don't realize that those dreams might only be just that...
Dreams....
My mom use to tell me, "nobody is going to give you
anything, you have to work for everything." I know that now and at 23 years old
I know that hard work pays off. The problem I'm having is when does it actually
pay off? Sometimes you want things to happen in your life that aren't meant for
you, but you are blinded by your own dreams so you never realize, that God has
something better.
Don't get me wrong for the last few months, all
I could think was what can I do to make quick money to pay back the 85,000 I owe
in college loans. How will my mother be able to afford $600 a month paying back
my loans? Hasn't she done enough? I feel bad, because it's nothing I can do or
so I thought. I gave up on just trying to be rich, be on television, or invent
the next big creation.
And started to realize, I could make a
difference, I'm a writer I can inspire people through words, I can write books,
own magazines, I can stop dreaming and make it a reality. I can complain about
my innocence being gone, but then I won't be able to appreciate my eyes being
opened. I haven't lost my innocence I lost my way, I thought that being somebody
meant being famous, but I'm somebody and to a lot of people I'm somebody
great!
To my family and friends I made it, I graduated college.
It was myself who felt that wasn't enough, because if I settle for just that
then my innocence being gone has only made me scared to see the real world for
what it's worth. Although, at times I feel unaccomplished, discrimnated against,
and forced to be somebody.
I didn't get where I'am following
anyone's foot steps because then you have to walk with your head
down....
Don't worry see the best thing about dreams are they
inspire you, so sometimes I have to sleep. But when I wake up, you better watch
out. See I've been fighting all my life, because I was and looked different but
I fought and that's what matters. Everyone has a story either you can tell it or
keep it a secret and shame the world of finding out how you
overcame.
At night I have to face myself in the mirror, and
that's it. So if I try and fail then I can look that same face in the mirror and
say< "get up girl, you better dust that butt off and keep it moving." I've
made it from the bottom and although the top isn't far I can't get comfortable
now because the bottom is never that far from the top.